Freshman Failing Lit Core Claims Taylor Swift’s “The Tortured Poets Department” Is “Literally Her”
Campus CultureFreshmenStudent LifeUncategorized February 19, 2024
‘Well, Travis obviously inspired a lot on the album. I feel the same inspiration for my Insta stories from my boyfriend, Noah. He was a second string quarterback in high school, so… we get it.’
Read more“‘STOP HE IS LITERALLY MY CUTIE PIE BOYFRIEND,’ interrupted a very angered Phile. ;Why won’t you let me be happy!'”
Read moreFreshmen RA’s Now Offer A Goodnight Kiss To Homesick Residents
Dorm StuffFreshmenResLife October 19, 2022
With the removal of all Covid restrictions on campus, the Residence Hall Association is delighted to announce that Resident Advisors will now offer goodnight kisses to all homesick students.
Read more“I don’t get it. The colors aren’t that different. They’re just like… muted? Sure, the trees are little bit grayer than normal. That’s cool, I guess. I just feel like I’m missing something.”
Read moreFreshmen Protest Surging Uber Prices By Taking Ambulances Home From Clubs
Freshmen September 15, 2022
“If you call 9-1-1 and tell them that someone is passed out and not breathing, they will literally send a car so fast, and it’s way bigger than an UberXL”
Read more“I was fully prepared to hear ‘carpe diem’ on the first day,” Lostsole said. “I kept waiting for him to stand on the desk, but all he did was, lecture?”
Read moreIf we manage to escape the Western descent into fascism, the constant threat of nuclear war, the ever increasing threat of climate change, gerrymandering, Exxon Mobil, NFTs, shrimp in Cinnamon Toast Crunch, global pandemics, Don’t Look Up, Late Night in Lyons, and “Yummy” by Justin Bieber, you are going to do great things in your four (or less) years here.
Read moreLessons Learned From Last Sunday’s Snowstorm
Campus CultureFreshmen February 17, 2022
“What we found was that the aerodynamics of the coffin meant that the opposing forces of the snow didn’t allow for maximum kinetic energy on the acceleration of velocity so the resistance resulted in very little quarks,” remarked Freddy’s super smart friend, Philip Payne (MCAS ’25).
Read moreBert and Ernie Down the Hall Look Suspiciously Like Puppets
Dorm StuffFreshmenNewton November 17, 2021
“Whenever I dap either of them up, they can never really get the hang of it. It’s like someone else is controlling their limbs.” Commented Oscar de Grouch (MCAS ’25) “Their hands are pretty small too, I thought it was just because they’re kinda short kings, but now I think otherwise.”
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